I’ve scheduled many of Tuesdays with Paisley posts knowing that the election madness is only going to get worse. So this is for all of us. Cute little Paisley face to keep us going. Yes, I know it’s blurry and weirdly filtered it was 2012. That’s what we did back then. Or something.
I’m sitting in the car waiting for my kid to get out of school. The car is running (because groceries) so I’ve officially lost the Greenest Parent of the Year Award. Drats.
I might still have a chance at winning Largest Carbon Footprint Parent. (Fingers crossed!)
I have a pretty insane week ahead of me. I’m grateful for all of it, don’t get me wrong. I’m just, maybe, a tiny bit worried about how to do it all. Mostly because I want to do it all well and done right…all the while I have exactly ONE WEEK with my oldest kiddo before she heads back to school. So…no pressure.
I’ve been really curious about how I’m going to feel with all the “going back to college” business. I’m fairly positive it will be MUCH MUCH MUCH easier than last year, but it’s always hard to say goodbye, you guys.
As selfish as I am with my children, it’s probably been good for me that she’s been interning all summer a couple hours away. I only got to see her on the weekends so maybe I feel a little bit more prepared for her to move back into the dorms next week.
Maybe. But probably not.
In the meantime, I’m going to need someone to smack me in the face the next time I let the entire family come with me to the grocery store.
Actually, on second thought, I’m not going to worry about it at all. I’m just going to have to move out so that I don’t eat ANY OF IT.
Or kick the family out. One of those.
Either way…I’m really going to miss the four us being idiots together. Sigh.
I got really sick of blogging. I missed the feeling of community. I was feeling very “get off my lawn” and felt like I had to keep up with The Joneses to stay in the blogging community. I’m really terrible at keeping up with Joneses. So I’ve (accidentally) waited until NO ONE visits here until it feels ready to come back to it.
So here I am.
I make no proclamations. I don’t care about stats and page views and whatever the you kids are doing these days. I just feel like being here with my family and, yeah…what I’m up to PERSONALLY. Like old times.
* * * * *
I quit my job a month ago.
About two months ago to the day, I gave my one month notice to a company I had worked for nearly 19 years. And on August 5th, I closed up shop, packed up my last box, and actually mic dropped my way out the door.
I felt like I had earned a mic drop.
And a margarita.
I haven’t been super “HERE I AM” about my plans for what I’m doing now. And one of the biggest reasons I’ve been a little quiet is because my reasons had everything to do with my kids.
(Yes. I’m still going to call her Ramona even though all 4 of you know her real name.)
My Ramona started high school the week after my last day of work. And not only do we know how fast time flies, but I also knew that she needed my time and my support in ways that I couldn’t give while working in the corporate world. The Dude and I knew that she needed me home each day after school.
So I jumped ship. With an incredible amount of faith. And an incredibly family with incredible love and support.
* * * * *
I’ve lived a lot of my adult making decisions based on fear. I joke around that I was young and dumb when we became parents and got married. In that order. But the truth of the matter is that we were soooooooooo young and still working on all the smarts that we had to grow up and grow into. We had a lot of life to leave and a lot of learning to do at each stage of life that we hadn’t even experienced yet. But decisions had to be made. And being terrified of knowing the right decision. Or fear of what was coming next. Yeah…that led to some dumb decisions. Or decisions that REALLY could’ve been better.
I’ve been…unsettled in my job for some time now. Looking back, it had nothing to do with the actual JOB of things and had everything to do with God getting me ready for what was coming up next. Even if I had no idea that He was.
* * * * *
One of my (former) co-workers asked me if I would do it all over again. Staying so long in one place. The decisions that I made. And without hesitation, I said yes. Even if the perfectionist in me would REALLY like a couple of do-overs, the realist knows that the person I am today is directly because of everything I’ve gone through and every strange or “wrong” decision. And I am really damn proud of all of it. I’m really damn proud of us and me and my family. All of it.
So here I am. A month later. Working on some things that make me really excited. And, yeah…really proud. It was time.
WHOA. It’s been awhile since I’ve been in this space. There is a seven inch layer of dust on EVERYTHING and I’m sorry about that. I will find you a place to sit as soon as possible. But I’m not going to stress out about that, because NOPE. You know that I love you even if things aren’t super hospitable around here right now. They will be. Pretty sure. As soon as I figure out what the hell I’m doing.
I bought this pen pouch a couple of months ago because, well, because I have a sick obsession with office supplies and pens and all things for my bullet journal and I also love joy. SO. Yes. I bought the pouch of joy.
(Please note that I don’t actually call it that.)
But what I *am* saying is that I love it. It’s the perfect-ish size and it is a fabulous reminder of finding joy on the daily.
Which is why I am here.
I don’t exactly know what to do with all this space anymore but what I DO know is that I’m happiest when I put my joy here. Shit that makes me happy. People that make me happy. Beautiful things that make me happy. It’s going here. Because if there’s one thing we all need more of it’s JOY.
(I don’t set fire to things. Almost never. But I do watch Pitch Perfect whenever I can.)
But…joy. That’s what’s happening here.
And since Sarah and I sat down and talked about our love for all things Kimmy Schmidt for Cap City Moms this week, I feel like that should start us off. Because Titus and Kimmy 4EVER. Sarah and I have been known to have gif-offs with each other on messenger or hangouts and what I will tell you is this: These ridiculous message of gifs BRING ME JOY. Which is the damn point of all of this.
September felt like THE longest month that also completely sped by at lightening speed. I don’t know how that is mathematically possible, but it probably has everything to do with all those common core shenanigans.
It’s no secret, we were young and dumb when we got married. I have no idea how the two of us made it to the couple we are today. Of course hard work and perseverance and, yeah…stubbornness. But we are so lucky.
Even after all these years, I’m amazed by how much he loves and works so hard for our family. He’s my partner in crime…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My kitchen table is covered in crown making materials for their senior rally tomorrow. I’m not entirely positive that I’m NOT high from all the spray paint smells. I honestly can’t be sure at this point. Mostly because I’m already so, so tired.
We’re also watching Mr & Mrs Smith. Because that’s what you do when you’re up all night working on senior crowns.
I’ve spent so much time looking at pictures from the past couple months, thanks to Sarah. Besides (AMAZING) senior portraits, she’s also managed to capture some of THE BEST moments of the end of Beezus’ senior year. I love scrolling through them. Basically, that’s all I’ve done for the past few months.
Okay, not ALL that I’ve done.
But YOU GUYS.
I just really love these goofs.
And I’m just kinda gonna miss all of the things.
We all know that Sarah is a genius, but I don’t think anyone will ever understand how much I love these pictures. Like, I’m super close to being SUPER dramatic about all of it and telling you how they made my life. MADE. MY. LIFE. But I’m not going to do that. Yet.
Even though you all would agree with me. Because come ON with these.
But wait, there’s more.
Because then there are family pictures. Family pictures that (yes, as dramatic as it sounds) literally took my breath away. Family pictures that will be on huge canvases in my house because I WILL BE THAT PERSON.
By THAT PERSON I mean completely awesome and rad. Because LOOK.
I think this one will be OBNOXIOUSLY huge in my front room. Because YES.
But it was this one that stopped me in my tracks. Because these are my babies who aren’t babies. This is a beautiful GORGEOUS picture of my daughters that is so them in some way. The essence? Of them? I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT EITHER.
It’s 1 in the morning and there are still so many crowns to be made for tomorrow. We just made a midnight run to In n Out, and I already have too many regrets to count.
I’m also legitimately worried about all that they have to do. But not worried enough that I’ve offered to help. I mean, besides driving to In n Out. But…helping? Ugh. Naw.
(I’ll probably help for a minute. I’m a such a sucker.)
**I love you, Sarah. Thank you isn’t even enough. But thank you.**
I actually starting writing about our trip on the drive home. I’m not entirely sure why I didn’t finish, but it is what it is. I know a lot of it has to do with feeling like I’m a broken record. I just imagine what everyone must think every time graduation and college comes up. It sounds a lot like “shut up already” I’m sure.
Most of you have heard me mention how good this trip was. Visiting the campus, the community…seeing my kid make some new friends and experiencing new things with other (new) students with the same focus and major. Getting a better idea of where she’ll be living for the next few years. Exploring. She stayed one night in the dorms for a special open house event.
While she did that, The Dude and I explored the surrounding area. Only 15 minutes to the beach and Pismo. Wineries close by for when we visit.
The Farmer’s Market. Really seeing how good this will all be for her and how much fun she’s going to have.
It was everything I needed Open House to be.
Gawd, she’s going to have the best time.
I have no effing clue how I’m ever going to say goodbye to that kid in the fall. But getting just a taste of the amazing campus and community life and her immediately loving it helps so damn much.
Cal Poly won’t ever be the same after she comes to town. How could it?