From the mind of the irrepressible Mike Ooi (shang@texas.net): Meth Bill Brujah Antitribu 3 cap POT +1 strength Meth Bill may enter combat with a vampire controlled by another Methuselah as a (D) action that costs 1 tooth. Meth Bill Unique Master Requires a Ready Follower of Set. Place this card on a minion controlled by your prey. The cost of all actions performed by the minion with this card is increased by 1 pool. The minion with this card may enter combat with a minion controlled by the Methuselah who played this card as a (D) action. This card may be burned by any Methuselah who chooses to have sex with the Methuselah who played this card. "I'm going to try meth. Just once." -Thomas Siebel Shady Mechanic Ally 1 Life, 0 Strength, 0 Bleed When Shady Mechanic is is play, all vehicles are non-functional (ignore the card text on the vehicle). Methuselahs controlling vehicles must lose 1 pool during each of their untap phases until the vehicles are either destroyed or taken out of play. Lying Repair Station Master: Location 2 pool You may tap the Lying Repair Station to tap any minion. That minion receives a Reduction of the Quality of Life counter. When the number of Reduction of the Quality of Life counters equal the capacity or cost of the minion, burn that minion and receive 1 pool for every counter on the minion being burned. Evil Dickhead, Manager Ally 2 pool 3 Life, 2 Strength, 1 bleed During your prey's untap phase, if you have more pool than your prey, you may tap Evil Dickhead to send a vampire your prey controls into torpor. GIVE MIKE MONEY Master When this card is played, you receive 2 victory points. You must also send Mike Ooi the equivalent of $10 US or be forced to play all sanctioned tournaments naked. WACKY TORPOR TIME Master Out-Of-Turn Playable only when pizza arrives. All vampires go to torpor and all allies are burned. Vampires cannot be rescued from torpor or brought into the controlled region until all pizza has been finished. EXTRA FUN Master Put this card in play and name a set of Methuselahs. Those Methuselahs now have +3 fun. A minion can take a (D) action to burn this card - if he/she does so, remove that minion from existence (rip that card in half). THE 7th TRADITION Reaction Untap a ready Prince/Justicar who can attempt to block an action at +2 intercept. If the block is successful, the Methuselah controlling the opposing minion burns 2 pool. Before combat occurs, this Prince/Justicar creates a Progeny (non-unique vampire with skill card) with 2 blood, places 3 blood from the Blood Bank to a younger uncontrolled vampire, fills up to capacity, and burns any vampires that have committed diablerie since your last turn. The opposing minion then enters combat with the Progeny. YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME?!? Reaction Untap a ready Archbishop/Cardinal who can attempt to block an action at +2 intercept. If the block is successful, the Methuselah controlling the opposing minion burns 2 pool. Before combat occurs, this Archbishop/Cardinal creates a Creation Rite (non-unique vampire with skill card) with 2 blood, places 3 blood from the Blood Bank to a younger uncontrolled vampire, fills up to capacity, and burns any vampires that have committed diablerie since your last turn. The opposing minion then enters combat with the Creation Rite. Can only be played if there is a Prince in any Methuselah’s ready region. YOU’RE A LOSER Master Out-Of-Turn Playable when a Methuselah is ousted or successfully withdraws. Place X counters on this card, where X is the number of Victory Points that Methuselah has accrued. That Methuselah then loses all victory points they had accrued. Any minion may take an action at -2 stealth to remove a counter from the card. Doing so earns that minion’s Methuselah 6 pool and a victory point. Burn this card when all counters have been removed, or when fire is set to it and the Methuselah who played it. Superior Text: You may play this card even if you are not playing in the current game. Just grab the counters and run. GET OUT OF TOWN Master All Methuselahs in the current game must help you move or you may burn all of their locations. DAT's Loud! Reaction - Auspex Inf: Reduce the acting minion's stealth by one Sup: Reduce the acting minion's stealth to zero, and if combat occurs, the acting minion's eardrums bleed for one damage. Fat's Jiggling Reaction - Obtenebration Inf: Only usable by a non-blocking minion if the acting minion has been successfully blocked but before combat occurs. Both minions involved in combat go to torpor. Sup: As above, and the acting minion's controller must say, "hey Hey HEY! It's FAT ALBERT!" or lose 3 pool. "I should have tried Slim-Fast!!!" - Moncada, at the end of Clan Novel:Assamite Gat's Blasting Combat - Dementation Inf: Only usable if this minion has a gun. Allows this minion to hold the gun sideways and strike with the gun with First Strike, but only at close range. Sup: Allows this minion to strike with First Strike as if he had a .44 Magnum (2R) by using his first two fingers. Hat's Trick Unique Master - requires Animalism Place this on an Army of Rats in play. That Army of Rats will "hit" for three pool instead of one. Jat's Lag Master Tap all minions with retainers. "Master, the airline lost you again!" - Renfield Kit Kat Bar Combat - Potence Just like Decapitate, but you break them in half like a... Lat-ino Pop Star Master, only playable on Ricki Van Dempsy (Gangrel). Turns Ricki Van Dempsy into Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin will not contest with a copy of Ricki Van Dempsy. Ricky Martin suffers from Fame. Mat's Welcome Master Out of Turn- 5 pool Choose a minion in combat. That minion has the equivalent of two Disarms and two DeLeggings. That minion, if ready, cannot act and must be the first minion who attempts to block actions directed against its controller. "What do you call a Cainite with no arms and no legs lying in front of a door? No wait, did I screw that one up?" - Ozmo Nat's Tea Equipment - 3 pool The minion with this equipment may burn it to disgust the other players. Pat's on the Back Master Out-of-Turn - Toreador Anti-tribu Increase the bleed of another Methuselah by X, where X is the number of your fingers currently in an orifice of your choice. Quat Master - Unique Location - 4 pool You have created a new Middle Eastern OPEC nation, which you control. During a Methuselah's untap phase (except yours), all vehicles must be repaid for or they are burned. S-A-T ur D-A-Y (night) Action Inf: Burn either the Inbase Discotek, the Hungry Coyote, or The Rack. Sup: As above, at +1 stealth. Tat for Tits Equipment - Unique Location - 3 blood The minion with this location can force an opposing minion in combat to play Superiors at the inferior. If the opposing minion attempts to play Inferiors, they can be cancelled altogether. "It's those damn tassels, they do it everytime!" - Ulugh Beg, the Peeper Vat o' Blood Master - Animalism Allows you to drench all your currently controlled cards in ketchup while singing "Hungry Like the Wolf" Wat's Up, Doc? Combat - Animalism Inf: This vampire's teeth do aggravated damage. Sup: Strike: Combat Ends. The opposing minion goes to Torpor in your Predator's Predator's Torpor Region, also known as Kukamunga. You cannot burn the opposing minion as a result of this combat. Xat Ally - 3 pool 5 Life 2 Hand Damage -2 Bleed This is was an AD&D creature who wandered into some WofTC wormhole and ended up in V:TES. "Where the hell am I? I eat rocks." - Xat Ya(ch)t Race Master - Malkavian - Only playable in Boston, or when in a game with someone from Boston (i.e. Ben Peal) First Methuselah to repahk their cah in a puddle wins 6 pool.