Malk and Kookies - The Malkavian Tabloid Vol.1 Iss.1 Edited by Mike Ooi WELCOME to the premiere issue of Malk & Kookies, the tabloid written by Malkavians for the infotainment/frustration of V:TES players everywhere. Please feel free to submit (to my will! - sorry - ed.) any ideas, suggestions, praise, and articles to shang@texas.net. Please feel free to submit any complaints to "Upstreamer" at saark5@yahoo.com (and tell him he smells - ed.). Looking for serious, tournament winning stratagems or abusable/broken combos? Look elsewhere. Looking for ways to entertain your playgroup? You've come to the right place. With that being said, enjoy this first issue! -Mike IN THIS ISSUE: SERIOUS TOURNAMENT WINNING STRATAGEMS ABUSABLE/BROKEN COMBOS POET'S CORNER CARD OF THE MONTH VAMPIRE OF THE MONTH DECK OF THE MONTH SERIOUS TOURNAMENT WINNING STRATAGEMS -KEEPING YOUR CARDS "YOURS" By Leandro Hostile Takeover leaving a bitter taste in your mouth? Are your fingers sore from ripping up Disputed Territories? Is what you'd like to do to Konstantin illegal in several states? Are you tired of being Graverobbed and never hearing from them again, even after they promised to call? Well, I have a few suggestions that might help you keep your cards "yours". 1. For Disputed Territory - There are a few ways to fight the political bastards. The easiest is to simply have vote lock on the table. (well duh - ed.) For times when that is not an option, Delaying Tactics is a good option. It cancels the current political action and prevents the bastard's other minions from calling that vote again for the rest of their turn, giving you an opportunity to take preventative actions. Be sure to time it after all vote modifiers have been played, which is really helpful against weenie Bewitching Decks. What preventative actions you can take are up to you. If the Disputed Territory is inevitable, you can try a "Scorched Earth" policy and Arson/Rampage/built-in self-destruct the location in question. If the vote lock is tenuous, send their votes to torpor with a well-timed Bum's Rush or even nastier Fear of Mekhet on a weak Justicar/IC member. 2. For Nasty Master Cards - The only real option you have here is Sudden Reversal. Keep one handy, especially for that bastard who always plays with Hostile Takeover. Those are ways you can use the game mechanics to your advantage. There are other ways to keep your cards "yours". My favorite is this: Before arriving at the game site, wrap your deck in tin foil and seal it in a Zip-loc bag. Bring a pair of latex surgical gloves with you to the game site. Before unveiling your deck, be sure to put on the gloves and spend some time examining them for holes and tears. Try to look "worried". Open the Zip-loc bag, holding it away from you at arm's length. Place the tin-foiled deck on the table and unwrap carefully. By now you should have attracted some attention; simply deflect their questions with, "I can't tell you now, maybe later." Or "Did you see The Jackal? That's all I can say." Shuffle your cards carefully, stopping between shuffles to examine your gloves for tears. When your opponent offers to cut your cards, hand them a latex barrier device of your choice (dental dam) and make them use it while cutting your cards. Then place the barrier in the Zip-Loc bag. Begin play as normal. See how many people attempt to touch your cards now! If no one comments on this being unusual, then you are definitely a Malkavian. One other, simpler tactic: when any of these cards are played, before the target is chosen, pull out a switchblade and stab it into the table. Glare menacingly, or look as detached from human emotion as possible. Either works. Until next month, I'm out of here. I got some IC business to take care of, and I need to hurt people making transfers. Word. ABUSABLE/BROKEN COMBOS By Hannibal The combo we will be looking at in this issue in Ascendance/Deal with the Devil. I'm sure you will agree that these cards break the balance of the game. Let's take a look at the cards separately first and then look at them being used together. -ASCENDANCE: This master card is clearly the most powerful card in the game. It gives you 1 pool and has NO cost. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? What were they thinking? Ascendance should cost 1, maybe 2 pool for the benefit it gives you. And it' s not blockable. Sure, Ascendance is the biggest target for Sudden Reversals, but you can only have so many Sudden Reversals in a deck. -DEAL WITH THE DEVIL: I don't know how many times I've been one turn away from ousting my prey, and they play Deal with the Devil and pull out a Werewolf Pack. That's another broken combo for another issue of Malk & Kookies. Just thinking about this card makes my blood boil. -TOGETHER: This is the most abusable combo in the game. Play ASCENDANCE. If you don't have one, play DEAL WITH THE DEVIL. That way, you're sure to get another ASCENDANCE or DEAL WITH THE DEVIL for your next turn. Don't play DEAL WITH THE DEVIL if you have an ASCENDANCE, or you'll have to discard the ASCENDANCE. Don't waste your ASCENDANCE. They are hard to find. Jeffrey Thompson, aka TheLasombra, spends hours surfing the web and hoarding these precious cards so that no one else can play with them. How else can you explain the rarity of these cards in other people's decks? Next time: Powerbase:Rome and Lucky Blow POET'S CORNER By Zebulon I just called to say, "I love you" I just called to say how much I care I just called to say, "I love you" And I mean it from the bottom of my heart CARD OF THE MONTH: 3 of Clubs By Ozmo The 3 of Clubs is probably one of the best cards you can have in a game. It' s not the 2 of Clubs, and it's not the 4. I won't insult your intelligence by explaining it further. Tickle me. VAMPIRE OF THE MONTH: Julius By Watenda Julius is AWESOME! He has Quietus and Serpentis and only costs 1 pool. He can play all the nasty Quietus hunting reaction cards at the inferior AND he can play Phobia without stealth. And he never goes to pesky torpor. Even better, in combat play Mummify and burn him yourself! Then bring another one out! Which leads us to the DECK OF THE MONTH. DECK OF THE MONTH: Orange Julius By Sylvester Simms Crypt: 12 Julius Master: 9 Ascendance (more if you can get them) 9 Deal with the Devil Combat cards: 30 Mummify Reaction Cards: 30 Foul Blood Action Cards: 12 Phobia I hate torpor. I hate it so much, I hurt other people when I go to torpor. Don't send me to torpor. I'll be mad. Anyway, I built this deck so the vampire never goes to torpor. See? Get the hell out of here. -- Mike Ooi shang@texas.net