MALK & KOOKIES Vol.1 Iss.4 Yes, I know August is almost over, but it’s been a crazy, crazy time this summer (for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere. BTW, Ozmo says that the toilet swirl for the Southern Hemisphere really sucks. I don’t know if that’ s an insult or a compliment). Had to move out of my apartment and ended up in Houston, Texas. They made me go. LSJ decided the Austin Playgroup was too powerful and unbalanced, so we had to rearrange things (I even heard he might make The Lasombra play with only one eye during tournaments). And on top of all these things, July-August is considered Wacky Torpor Time for these Malks, so getting any articles out of them as been like pulling fangs. So don’t kill me, but I had to go to a City Gangrel for some content. Hope to see everybody in New Orleans, preferably from the back of a moving pickup truck (so I can laugh as they chase me for winning all the victory points, even from the tables I didn’t sit at… IN THIS ISSUE: RULINGS & CLARIFICATIONS NEW “SPECIAL” CARDS HOW TO LIVE ON .01 LITERS A NIGHT POET’S CORNER CARD OF THE MONTH DECK OF THE CENTURY RULINGS & CLARIFICATIONS by Greg Faulkner a.k.a. The Cheetah Just recently, WotC handed over to White Wolf all information regarding the research and design of the original Jyhad card set. When that information was received, a discovery was made that the original Jyhad set had several misprints that were never corrected in the Vampire re-release. Cards like "Boxed In" and "Growing Fury" had minor typos that went completely unnoticed by the editors. Few people realize that "Boxed In" was never intended to be a combat card at all. Now that the information has been fully recovered from WotC, we can release to you the true text of these cards as they were intended: Boxed Inn (formerly known as Boxed In) Master - Malkavian Unique location. Only useable when a Malkavian you control is in combat with another minion. Tap this location before range is determined to trap the opposing minion in an invisible box. The minion’s controller must "mime" the remainder of combat. Growing Furry (formerly known as Growing Fury) Combat - Protean Normal: Only useable before range. The opposing minion takes 1 damage during strike resolution due to an allergic reaction with "kindred dander". Effects are negated if the opposing minion has animalism. Superior: As above, but the damage can not be prevented. Aaron’s Nail Clipper (formerly known as Aaron’s Feeding Razor) Unique Equipment – 1pool Once each combat, the minion equipped with Aaron’s Nail Clipper may cancel the effect of a Wolf Claws or Claws of the Dead played by an opposing minion. Talbot’s Riding Lawnmower (formerly known as Talbot’s Chainsaw) Unique Equipment – Vehicle – 3 pool The minion equipped with Talbot’s Lawnmower may take a +1 stealth action to burn a location. A minion may have only one vehicle. NEW “SPECIAL” CARDS By Imogen I like new cards, the way they smell, like a bloody hand, I’ve just got to lick ‘em! WACKY TORPOR TIME Master Out-Of-Turn Playable only when pizza arrives. All vampires go to torpor and all allies are burned. Vampires cannot be rescued from torpor or brought into the controlled region until all pizza has been finished. EXTRA FUN Master Put this card in play and name a set of Methuselahs. Those Methuselahs now have +3 fun. A minion can take a D action to burn this card – if he/she does so, remove that minion from existence (rip that card in half). THE 7th TRADITION Reaction Untap a ready Prince/Justicar who can attempt to block an action at +2 intercept. If the block is successful, the Methuselah controlling the opposing minion burns 2 pool. Before combat occurs, this Prince/Justicar creates a Progeny (non unique vampire skill card) with 2 blood, places 3 blood from the Blood Bank to a younger uncontrolled vampire, fills up to capacity, and burns any vampires that have committed diablerie since your last turn. The opposing minion then enters combat with the Progeny. YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME?!? Reaction Untap a ready Archbishop/Cardinal who can attempt to block an action at +2 intercept. If the block is successful, the Methuselah controlling the opposing minion burns 2 pool. Before combat occurs, this Archbishop/Cardinal creates a Creation Rite (non unique vampire skill card) with 2 blood, places 3 blood from the Blood Bank to a younger uncontrolled vampire, fills up to capacity, and burns any vampires that have committed diablerie since your last turn. The opposing minion then enters combat with the Creation Rite. Can only be played if there is a Prince in any Methuselah’s ready region. YOU’RE A LOSER Master Out-Of-Turn Playable when a Methuselah is ousted or successfully withdraws. Place X counters on this card, where X is the number of Victory Points that Methuselah has accrued. That Methuselah then loses all victory points they had accrued. Any minion may take an action at –2 stealth to remove a counter from the card. Doing so earns that minion’s Methuselah 6 pool and a victory point. Burn this card when all counters have been removed, or when fire is set to it and the Methuselah who played it. Superior Text: You may play this card even if you are not playing in the current game. Just grab the counters and run. GET OUT OF TOWN Master All Methuselahs in the current game must help you move or you may burn all of their locations. HOW TO LIVE ON .01 LITERS A NIGHT By Normal It’s kind of a tough unlife, man, when the Man is coming to get ya and the sounds of the underground pound down on your brow, man. Sometimes I wish I could fly, cause it hurts when ya fall down, ya know, man? I really get down when I’m listening to Nirvana and I start to cry tears of blood, man, big tears, dude. I can’t continue. POET’S CORNER By Zebulon Like a fool I went and stayed too long Now I'm wondering if your love's still strong Oo baby, here I am, signed, sealed delivered, I'm yours CARD OF THE MONTH By Ozmo Okay folks. I’m not going to do Card of the Month. I’m gonna do AssCard of the Month. And it’s NORMAL. What a whiny little bitch! NORMAL blows chrome off of Price Pfister faucets. All he’s got is Obfuscate. “OOH I’m hiding! Can’t catch me! BOO!” Trouble is, you can still hear his whiny little @!## Someone give me a flame-thrower! ARRGH! Tickle this +1!!! DECK OF THE CENTURY By Rafaele Giovanni BLEED YOUR TRUE ENEMY Crypt 2 Hannibal 2 Korah 2 Rafaele Giovanni 1 Claven 1 Gilbert Duane 1 Yorik 1 Normal 1 Dollface 1 Watenda Master 4 Dementation 2 Obfuscate 4 Life Boon 4 Major Boon 2 Elysium the Arboretum 1 Asylum Hunting Ground 1 Institution Hunting Ground Action 20 Kindred Spirits 12 Night Moves 4 Dramatic Upheavals Action Modifiers A bunch of stealth Reaction A bunch of bounce Malkavian Rider Clauses Combat A bunch of run away How the deck works: Bleed your predator up to the point of ousting. When he/she is ousted by their predator, play Life Boon. Then switch places with them and bleed your new predator. Wash, rinse, repeat. Rafaele’s comments: We all know who the real enemy is: your predator. Why play this little mamby-pamby baby game when we know who is trying to get us. This way, you can screw them and win. Make them eat the deeyock.