I’m Probably Sleep-Typing…So There’s THAT.

Here’s the thing: I’m having trouble writing. I wonder how many posts I will start before I actually finish one. Moving is a tricky time, of course. There is so much packing and cleaning and organizing. And then a move day that turns out to be one of the hottest days of all the years. And then there’s the unpacking and the cleaning and the organizing. And then…well, not having internet, etc is hard. (YES I JUST SAID THAT DON’T JUDGE ME.)

I will forever be grateful for the painters that made ugly walls go far, far away.
I will forever be grateful for the painters that made ugly walls go far, far away.

But I have to tell you…I couldn’t have done this move without my amazing friends/family, I would be locked in the crazy bin. (I can’t even begin to tell you how rad they are.) My husband was out of town the two weeks leading up to the move. There was the close of escrow to handle…the painters, the carpet guys…the finishing of the packing. The organizing…OH! And also, the two busy children that still have all their activities. I didn’t love having my husband thousands of miles away. He hated not being there to help me with everything. Luckily, before he left, we got MUCH packed and organized. THAT saved my sanity. That and those amazing friends/family I was telling you about. Seriously with all the amazing.

I have so much to say about how much I love our new house and how much I enjoy having a place for my cute little family PLUS all of our special peoples and loved ones. I could probably write an entire post about how much I love the paint color we picked out. (And by “we” I mean “me and Sarah.”) I’ve fallen in love with all the natural light that shows up at magical times. I have stories about an overgrown backyard that needs quite a bit of work, but how there’s also a pool that everyone can enjoy.

That's Ramona...hiding from the camera...per usual.
That’s Ramona…hiding from the camera…per usual.

There is so much to talk about! But I can’t seem to write an interesting sentence to save my life. I can barely keep my eyes open. I’m wishing I was still hanging out with my family. (I miss them.) I have so much on my mind; I’m not even sure where to start!

happy little flowers just so I can show you how much I love the light in the new house.
happy little flowers just so I can show you how much I love the light in the new house.

And so I’m grateful. I’m honestly and truly grateful for all that I have. For every friend and every family member. I’m grateful for my husband who handles so much. I’m grateful for my cute kids, even when they’re being turds. I’m grateful for this beautiful new home where all my peoples are welcomed and loved. I’m grateful for an awesome job that allows me to pay for these things, even when my heart hurts that I’m not at home with my kids. I may have moments of doubt or exhaustion or frustration, but I am truly grateful.

Grateful…and also very glad that we are pretty much done with moving for a very long time. 🙂

The Most Randoms of all the Randoms

This week has been…trying. I’ve clocked in about a million hours at the office this week. My brain is too fried to do actual math, so a million hours may be a shifty estimation. But since I’m in charge here, that sentence gets to stay.

I just realized I didn’t really discuss last weekend in much detail. Day of prom…Listen to Your Mother…so much still to say that deserves a post all on its own. AND YET. I just don’t have the brain power to make it happen yet. Although, I feel like I should warn you that Mr. Prom Date is now a boyfriend type person to Beezus. So that happened.

Ramona’s last day of school is next Thursday. Not only is that ridiculously too early, it is obnoxiously too early. I have absolutely nothing planned for her because I’m super good at planning all the things. Maybe she’d like to get a summer job to keep herself entertained AND earn her keep. I’m just saying it’s an option.

madhatter

I went to a fundraising event with the ever adorable Stephanie last night. It was a Mad Men meets Mad Hatter theme benefiting the wonderful FairyTale Town. I’m not gonna lie, the theme alone makes me super happy. And I loved seeing how people dressed for the event. Plus? You should’ve tasted the chocolate and treats they had there. HOLY DELICIOUS, BATMAN.

tillamook

Speaking of delicious, if you’re in the Sacramento Area, Tillamook is bringing cheese to the people. And I kinda love that they are. But they best part? Since this month is National Hamburger Month (YUM) they are traveling around HIDING GOLDEN TICKETS FOR YOU TO FIND. It’s like Charlie and the Hamburger and Cheese Factory around local grocery stores. What I’m trying to tell you is that you could win free Tillamook for a year. FOR A YEAR. Do you know how happy that would make a person?? Do you know how happy that would make me? I would so totally steal your free cheese. Possibly.

Well, we’re headed into another busy weekend. Maybe not as busy as last weekend, but pretty damn close. Also, I really need a vacation. From all the things. I just want to sit on a beach (properly sunscreened, of course) and not move except to eat and drink. I really would like this to happen. Soon. Tomorrow would be nice.

paisleytoday

Have a great weekend everyone. Paisley loves you…even if she probably cannot see you.

xoxo

A Very Special Listen to Your Mother Thank You

crest

Dear Ann Imig,

I’ve been trying to figure out a way to write about my Listen to Your Mother experience. But how do you recap an experience that changed you in ways you can’t explain? I’m still not sure I can. But then I realized, that at the heart of all that I’m feeling, I’m so grateful to all that you began a few short years ago. And so I thought I would try to write some sort of a thank you. And while this might be an odd way to write a thank you note, I’m not sure it could be written any other way. Because I’m not sure I could fit my thanks to you on a note card I bought at Target. I’m actually not sure that I can fit my thanks to you in a blog post. But heaven knows I’m going to try.

Thank you for this amazing platform to share a story I didn’t know I still needed to tell. Thank you for this opportunity to heal and grow. For this chance to love others and myself through the words that I wrote.

Thank you for entrusting your vision to the beautiful and talented Margaret and Nichole who produced and directed one hell of a show. For giving them this chance to love us, and for us to love them. (My goodness, they are amazing.) (No really, AMAZING.)

Thank you for believing that Sacramento was ready for such a fantastic experience. Everyone loved the show. Everyone was blown away. I wish you could’ve felt the love that filled that theater. Thank you for believing in all of us.

Thank you for giving us all this creative and fulfilling celebration of Motherhood.

Thank you THANK YOU for the Listen to Your Mother Show. My life is enriched because I experienced this. My heart has grown in ways I can’t explain. I have learned so much from every aspect of this show that you created. I’m amazed and in awe of all the lives touched. I’m so grateful I was able to show my husband and my daughters what this meant to me. I’m so grateful that I could share this with so many of my loved ones.

Thank you for bringing 15+ amazing people into my life that I can no longer live without. Not to blow any secrets, but we’re already planning for us all to live in close proximity (maybe something of a commune) where we can all live in harmony and ridiculous amounts of love. There are BIG plans in the works, but we’ve settled on a weekend getaway while we solidify our more “permanent” plans.

I could say “thank you” a million more times…to you, to Nichole & Margaret…to my cast mates and to my loved ones and it still wouldn’t be enough. Listen to Your Mother has changed me forever. It is magical and wonderful and amazing and phenomenal. I’m so proud to have been a part of it. I’m so blessed to have experienced the beauty and the joy that this show brings.

So thank you, Ann. For all of this. You started something that has changed us all.

Thank you.

 Jill

Freddy Krueger, Bloody Mary…light as a feather, tired as a board…

It’s hard to not be mad at the kids that taught MY child about Freddy Krueger, CandyMan and Bloody Mary. Even though I totally know that it’s a rite of passage that we’ve all gone through it at some point or in some way. I get it! But then again, I didn’t have YouTube around when I was a kid. And a video of some chick trying Bloody Mary in the mirror probably would’ve scared the bejeebus out of me, too. Because watching some kid try it out at a slumber party is scary enough. And while I don’t remember keeping MY parents up most of the night because I was too scared to sleep, I probably should check into that before sounding like a total ass.

And yet, I’m probably too tired to care if I sound like a total ass because OH YEAH I WAS UP MOST THE NIGHT WITH A KID TOO SCARED TO SLEEP.

When she originally told me about the all-things-scary conversation she had with her classmates, she didn’t sound wigged out by it. But I won’t lie to you, I was super annoyed. I reminded her about the conversation that we have with her ALL THE TIME about being careful what she watches…and what other people want to show her. We talk about YouTube and the on-line world and how we can’t trust everyone! In fact, there are bad people who put things on the internet that are scary or inappropriate or just NOT SOMETHING THAT I WANT MY 11 YEAR OLD TO SEE. We talk about all this! So yeah…as annoyed as I was at her classmates, I was also frustrated with her. I don’t know how many times we’ve told her that once she sees something, she cannot erase it from her brain. Ever.

She apologized. We talked about it again. And again. But so many hours had passed between that conversation and getting ready for bed, I didn’t immediately put it all together.

It started out with not wanting to go to bed. (Normal.) But really feisty about NOT wanting to go to bed. (Not normal.) And then she asked if I would lie down with her for a bit. (Normal.) And then kinda freaked out when I went to go get in my own bed. (Not normal.)

(Although, I just now remembered that the reason I couldn’t find my flip-flops this morning is because I left them in her room. I probably won’t remember this when I get home tonight, so I’ll need one of you to remember this.) (Okay, back to the story.)

So yeah…I should’ve put two and two together. I should’ve. And then when she complained about not feeling well, I thought it was the hamburger that she ate for dinner. (Because, duh.) I was so ridiculously tired, I just told her to come sleep in my room so that I could keep an eye on her. We got a little bed set up for her. But then she climbed into bed with me because The Dude was still out in the front room working on something. Again, too tired to really care, we both fell asleep. Until she needed to go back to her little makeshift bed on the floor once The Dude was ready for bed.

And then she couldn’t sleep again.

It wasn’t until about two in the morning and she just happened to mention something about the mirror on my closet door that I got it. I finally understood that it had nothing to do with a tummy ache, it had everything to do with being too scared to sleep. I felt like an idiot. And then, like the wonderful and understanding mother that I am, I was pissed. PISSED.

I promise I didn’t yell at her…but she knew I wasn’t a happy camper.

I’m not sure if you remember, but I have quite the busy and insane and stressful week ahead of me. Not getting enough sleep is a recipe for disaster. This weekend is already going to be a bit emotional for me. (To put it mildly.) But a week of stress and chaos and on top of that NO SLEEP?

It’s just not something that we should test, is what I’m saying. None of us are qualified to handle a tragedy of that magnitude.

And yet there we were…the middle of the night with not much sleep for anyone.

We moved Ramona to sleep away from the offending mirror and closer to her dad. Something about that worked and we started to go to sleep. Until she started complaining that her dad was snoring. At that point, I wanted to stick some headphones in her ears and just let her watch TV all night until she fell asleep. But thankfully, and miraculously, she finally fell sleep. I have no idea what time it was because I didn’t dare look at the clock, but I will tell you that when my alarm clock went off this morning, I’m was certain I hadn’t been asleep for more than an 15 minutes. I also felt hungover. Which is a lovely way to start your morning.

And my kid? Well, she was just as chipper as could be. So chipper, in fact, that I may still have irrational anger about it while I try to figure out a way to mainline ALL THE CAFFEINE straight into my veins.

Deadlines and insane schedules be damned, we’ll see if I can just stay awake for the entirety of today. However, If you see me sobbing and rocking in a corner, please just buy me a Starbucks and send me on my way.

But if I start weeping with gratitude making us both feel uncomfortable, please do not hold it against me. I’m really hoping things will be better tomorrow. That or I’m just going to move in to my local Starbucks and call it good.

preparing for the insanity…and the most amazing

I have a big week ahead of me.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have worries about surviving it. I know I’m made of tough stuff. I know that I’ll get through it ok. And I know that it’s actually going to be quite an amazing ride. But I’m trying to prepare myself for an emotionally/physically/mentally draining week. And somehow I need to convince myself that this week won’t kill me dead. I mean…it probably won’t.

I already feel like I have seven jobs right now. It’s hard enough to get the desk job done. But then this mom/wife/regular person-gig has about 648+ jobs attached to it. And then do you like living in a clean house? WHO IS GOING TO DO THAT?? Also, did I mention that I’m sharing a part of my soul to a room full of people this Sunday? (On a stage? With bright lights and stuff?) OH AND JILL YOUR FIRSTBORN CHILD IS GOING TO PROM. GO AHEAD AND KEEP WEARING THAT HEART OF YOURS ON YOUR SLEEVE.

So…yeah. I wasn’t exactly prepared for my kid to get asked to prom. Turns out no one expects the Spanish Inquisition OR your sophomore kid getting asked to Junior Prom. But I will have you know that as of yesterday, we already have a dress and shoes. In one day. And I only got emotional twice. It would’ve only been once, but when a certain fairy godmother starts arranging things and being all magical and shit, EMOTIONS HAPPEN. I couldn’t help it. But my non-shopper self survived A DAY OF SHOPPING with three teenage girls. I even found a perfect pair of shoes for myself and that thing where I’ll be on a stage with all the lights and great shoes.

And you know what else I survived yesterday? MEETING THE MR PROM DATE. Because apparently shopping for all things prom was not enough tap-dancing on my heart for one day.

We met up at an indoor softball/baseball arena. Since MR PROM DATE and my child both play ball, we felt like that would be an even playing field (pun absolutely intended) for this meet-up. When I walked in, not only did I get to meet MR PROM DATE but I was also so thrilled to meet MR PROM DATE’s parents. Who, bless them, have a teenage daughter as well and appreciated the fact that we wanted to meet their son before he was allowed to take her to prom. We even found out that we know some of the same people. Also? They were just as interested to meet my kid as we were to meet theirs. It was so great that this is important to them, too.

But even better? MR PROM DATE passed with flying colors.

He was a gentleman. Super polite. Respectful. And he was clearly a mama’s boy. Since it was family fun night at the arena, he was roped in to playing kickball with all the littles after they were done with the batting cages and MR PROM DATE remained polite and respectful and even helpful and encouraging with the littles that were there.

I’m not going to sit here and pretend that he’s perfect and never does anything wrong. He IS a teenage boy. But he’s a NICE BOY who is nice and also, respectful and nice. (He’s also a little bit adorable.) But does it make things a slight-little-bit-easier to send my kid off to prom when MR PROM DATE is a good guy? YES. YES IT DOES.

This week IS going to kick my ass. This weekend IS going to be emotional. And a lot of this emotion is wrapped up in this kid of mine that is growing up so damn fast. But I also know that all this growth and change and hard stuff is exactly what I need to be experiencing. I REALLY am going to try hard to embrace it and be proud and excited. But I know that I’m gonna get a little beat up this week. I will probably have an emotional black eye for the better part of it. But it helps to know that I’m where I’m supposed to be with the people that I’m supposed to be with.

I have great kids that are just so damn awesome.

I have a great husband who loves his family.

I have the best friends and family ON THE PLANET.

And I’m a part of this magical and amazing experience that has allowed me to grow in ways that I didn’t think possible.

It really is going to be ok. And by golly, maybe this week and this weekend have to be tough and emotional and crazy because *I’m* tough and emotional…and crazy. (WAIT,what?!)

Or maybe it’s just because I need to dig a little deeper to remind myself how far I’ve come. And that it’s okay that I still have a long way to go. This week is going to be full of hard work, prayer…and A LOT of amazing moments.

And I’m ready. For all of it.

I got this.

a *mostly* wordless weekend round-up

 

wknd

 

My brain is fried. The migraine that I’m battling may be proof of that. Pictures of our weekend might have to suffice.

#March of Dimes #Sacramento #Funnywaterbottles #Cutie-Piefriends #BattingCages #AninvititationtoPROM #LTYM_Rehearsal2 #girlandherpup

Another very full weekend. Super tired Monday.

I love you all.

for my birthday, I wish us all to be happy

425photo

Today is my birthday.

Actually, I’m writing this on Tuesday so that is a total lie, but when you READ this, it will be my birthday.

Why am I writing my birthday happiness post on Tuesday? Mostly because I can. But also because I’ll be spending the day outside and away from computers. I suppose this could all wait, but I have something I wanted to say. And I kinda wanted it to be on time.

You see…one of the most important lessons that I hope my kids learn from me is that happiness is a choice.

HAPPINESS. IS. A. CHOICE.

My life is not rainbows and unicorns. In fact, I must admit that my life is lacking in all things unicorns. I have bad days. Lots of ‘em. I even have some pretty dark hours in those days. But I try really hard to not let those days define me. I try to actively search for those things that remind me of my happiness. That improve my happiness. Or help me find my happiness when I’ve lost my way. And even if we have to “fake it ‘til we make it” I will always choose to be happy.

It’s not easy.

But it is important.

And it is absolutely my responsibility and my choice.

The week isn’t over, and I still have some happy to share, but I’m grateful for this week of happy. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to usher in my birthday with a little silliness, joy and happiness. Life isn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination…but choosing to be happy sure makes it all worthwhile.

the happiest of happy

famfriends

It is quite impossible for me to talk about things that make me happy and not bring up my friends and family. Which, I am lucky to say, is one and the same in my book. I’m so blessed to have the family that I do. And I’m so blessed to be friends with my parents and my siblings. And my friends? My friends are a part of my family whether they want to be or not. (Why should they get the choice if my actual family does not?) I don’t know why I’m so lucky to have these people in my life. But I thank God every day that I do.

The P Word

prayer

Have you ever had that moment where you realize you’re praying for the wrong thing? And it’s not that what you’re praying for is bad…it just isn’t the most important part of the equation? So then you change your focus. Because of course you do. But then you’re not sure. And then you’re doubting yourself because you maybe aren’t getting an answer.

But then some pretty big things happen that make you realize that maybe what you’ve been praying for isn’t on the top of God’s list right now. And you’re ok with that because it’s not at the top of your list either when you think of all the people who are hurting or sad in much more need right now. So then you start praying for them. Because of course you do. They need your prayers more than you do.

And then you hug your family a little tighter.

And show a lot more love to them and to those around you.

And then you think that maybe, just maybe, praying for the wrong thing helped your heart be a lot more open. Ready to love those who need it most.

And that it might just be the answer you were looking for?

Yeah…THAT.

Meanest Parents Ever

Discipline is the worst part of being a parent.

I wonder if kids ever realize that. I’m not sure that I did growing up.

I think that’s where the anger comes from sometimes. When the choices that they make necessitates discipline. And it makes us all feel like crap so we’re angry that we even have to do it.

But we do. We have to do it.

We have to teach our children about consequences. Because plenty of children (and adults) live believing that they don’t have to take responsibility for their own actions. There are news stories today that are a shocking reminder of that. Do they think they are above the law? Do they just not care? Are they just that stupid?

It is my job as a parent to teach my children how to be respectful, law abiding, kind adults. It is my job to make sure that they follow the rules of our family so that they grow up and know that they need to follow the rules of our world.

In the past couple of weeks, both of my children have tested boundaries. Nothing terrible. And nothing that will keep me up at night. (Yet.) But these incidents have reminded me how important those boundaries are. I have been reminded how much kids need those boundaries. Even when they think that they don’t. And I’m so glad we have those boundaries in place – even if they do need to be adjusted every now and then. (Now. They are being adjusted right now.)

I’m so glad that The Dude and I take our job as parents so seriously, even when we have to be “the meanest parents ever” at all times. It completely sucks to enforce all the rules and handle all the discipline, but it is so necessary and so important. Heaven knows we’re not perfect parents, but we have been blessed with two amazing kids. And I pray that the boundaries we set for them help them to be the most amazing adults.

But if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna need to take a break from imagining them as adults. Because you know I’m not ready for them to be grown up and live far away from me yet. Boundaries and consequences still apply, but let’s take that grown-up children part a little slower.