The Newsletter of Malkav March, 2003 _______________ Tableau of Contents: 1. Introduction 2. Fiction (or is it?) 3. V:TES stuff 4. Et Cetera & So Forth 5. To Be Continued ______________________________ 1. Introduction ______________________________ Hello and welcome to the March 2003 Malkavian Newsletter. I would like to offer an apology for the fact that there was no newsletter for February. Accept it or refuse it as you will, my excuse is quite solid. I spent the first week of February in a madness-induced torpor and after that I was hunted and chased through the streets of a looming, dark city of which I know not the true name. When I got home, I decided I earned a well-deserved rest and went about putting things into boxes and taking them back out. But for now I've taken a break from that monotony to present to you March's newsletter. I'm happy to say that January's Newsletter actually got some responses. Thanks go to everyone who took the time to write. In hopes of getting even MORE response this time around, I've plastered my contact information all throughout this newsletter. (Timmy@e-garfield.com) "Introduction" - my comments on the newsletter in general. Of which you are currently reading. "Fiction (or is it?)" - Fireside tales of madness and whatever it is vampires do in their spare time. "V:TES Stuff" - Writings on White Wolf's Vampire: The Eternal Struggle card game. "Et Cetera & So Forth" - Anything that comes to my head as I write. "To Be Continued" - Wrapping up the newsletter, contact information, etc. ______________________________ 2. Fiction (or is it?) ______________________________ Waldo walked while wondering why he was wearing white spats. The spats certainly looked nice on him, or at least he thought so, but he couldn't fathom where he had found them. He also wondered if one was suppose to wear them as shoes or over top of shoes. The duck on TV didn't wear them with shoes, so he figured he was safe. "Change?" a dishevelled man asked, holding out a large paper cup that jangled as he shook it. He was obviously a modern homeless urbanite. "Not usually," Waldo asked. He stopped and stared for apparently no reason. The man took a few steps back as one usually does when they realize they are face-to-face with the insane. Waldo's gaze switched over to the trash can next to him. "You! Why do you always follow me? Don't you know I could destroy you with a mere rock?" Waldo looked around as if for a nearby rock. The homeless man pressed his back against the brick building behind him, mumbling something panicky and incomprehensible, but making no large or fast movements lest he catch the loony's attention. "They're coming for you, Waldo." The trash can said bluntly. "You're just trying to make me paranoid." "Aren't you?" "Well, I may be a little suspicious of trash cans that follow me around, but that doesn't make me paranoid." "I had to follow you to keep an eye on you, and I found out you're being followed." "Who? Or, 'whom', I suppose. 'By whom', that is." "Shhh! Cup Man is listening. He could be working for Them." Waldo spun around fast enough to make Cup Man drop his cup. The coins escaped and rolled excitedly away to hide in the dark shadows of the night, laughing with glee. "Are you with Them?" Waldo's hand went to his inside jacket pocket for a weapon. "Speak quickly and enunciate perfectly or else I'll shoot. Don't think I won't!" He whipped out his Lil' Soaker 200 and waved it around wildly. The man broke away and made a run for it. Waldo tracked him with the plastic water pistol for a second before lowering it. "I can't do it. I just can't. Not after all he's done for me." He hung his head and made big sobbing noises. "Look, here's his cup. All he wanted to do was shake it at people and I've taken even that away from him." "Feed me." The trash can said. Waldo dropped the cup into the reciprocal and shrugged. "Life goes on." Spinning the pistol on his finger he walked down the dark street whistling Absolutely Bill's Mood. ______________________________ 3. V:TES Stuff ______________________________ Today's deck submission is from Tobias op den Brouw. Me: Hello, Tobias op den Brouw. Can I call you Tobi? Tobi: No. Me: So, what do you have for us today? Tobi: This is a Camarille Edition rework of my 'tabledance' deck. Me: Tabledancing sounds like fun. What's it all about? Tobi: The premise of tabledance is to get out madness network, and on your prey's turn, dramatic upheaval or kindred restructure, so that you have an additional turn. With additional turns come additional untaps, masters, influence, etc. Homuculus is a nice action-advantage booster. Me: And you can talk to Homunculi when you get lonely. Tobi: (stares) Me: Uh, yeah. (drums fingers on table) So, how does this deck work during the game? Tobi: This version tries to make use of the new Rachel Brandywine, and is somewhat more toolboxy, containing only 8 seat-switching cards. The playstyle is thus a bit different: use your first seat-changer to sit where you want, then just build and defende and attack a little, until the table is a bit smaller. Then, become a VP sniper by waiting until opportune moments to switch seats. Me: Sounds like people would come after you if you're sniping their Victory Points. How do you handle yourself in combat? Tobi: Claws and body flares combined with Rotschreck should convince people to not happily rush you. Me: Any weakness in the deck you'd have to be prepared for? Tobi: You can be outvoted by dedicated vote decks, killed by rush decks, bled heavily, etc. Just dance away, if you can. Me: Any last words before I hit you with a heavy skillet? Tobi: There are still aspects of the deck I am unhappy with, but let's hear people's reactions first. *CLANG* --------------- Deck Name: TDCE (Editor's Note: Tobi has cleverly disguised the premise of this deck using the acranum TDCE for Table Dance Camarilla Edition) Created By: Tobias Crypt: (11 cards, Min: 16, Max: 36, Avg: 6,45) ---------------------------------------------- 3 Greger Anderssen AUS dom OBF pro 7, Malkavian, Prince 2 Rachel Brandywine ani AUS DEM OBF PRO 10, Malkavian, Prince 2 Victoria AUS cel obf 5, Malkavian 1 Watenda obf 3, Malkavian 1 Zoe AUS cel obf 3, Malkavian 1 Evan Klein aus dem OBF pre 5, Malkavian 1 Maris Streck ani AUS dem dom OBF 9, Malkavian, Justicar Library: (90 cards) ------------------- Master (18 cards) 1 Asylum Hunting Ground 3 Blood Doll 1 Dreams of the Sphinx 4 Madness Network 3 Minion Tap 4 Protean 2 Rotschreck Action (9 cards) 5 Fifth Tradition: Hospitality, The 2 Fourth Tradition: The Accounting, The 2 Pulse of the Canaille Action Modifier (19 cards) 2 Elder Impersonation 4 Forgotten Labyrinth 8 Lost in Crowds 5 Telepathic Vote Counting Political Action (17 cards) 4 Dramatic Upheaval 4 Kindred Restructure 2 Kine Resources Contested 2 Malkavian Justicar 5 Parity Shift Reaction (12 cards) 2 Malkavian Rider Clause 6 Second Tradition: Domain, The 4 Telepathic Misdirection Combat (11 cards) 2 Body Flare 6 Claws of the Dead 3 Form of Mist Ally (1 cards) 1 Muddled Vampire Hunter Retainer (2 cards) 2 Homunculus Equipment (1 cards) 1 Ivory Bow ---------------------- There you have it, friends. Read it, embrace it, post your comments. If you have deck submissions send 'em my way and you too could have your name immortalized in the Malkavian Newsletter. (Timmy@e-garfield.com) ______________________________ 4. Et Cetera & So Forth ______________________________ So, I was eating something new today. I took broccoli and, after steaming it, threw it into the blender and pureed it with almonds and spices and had that with a combination of brown and wild rice. I was analyzing its chemical makeup with my gustatory senses when I spied with my little eye something on my plate I hadn't intended to put there. It was some sort of brown, six-legged bug with big, dark eyes. That's it. I just thought I'd let you know. -------------- Poll for the Populace Send your response to Timmy@e-garfield.com or, if reading this on an on-line forum, post it. All answers will be tallied and presented in a future newsletter. Offer valid until the end of March, 2003. Q: If you found a sort-of-brown, six-legged bug with big, dark eyes in your rice, what would you do? (Choose one or more of the following) a) Eat it and anything else I found on my plate. b) Eat around it. c) Get sick and discard the entire content of my plate. d) Lament its noble sacrifice. e) Put it in the microwave to watch it do a little dance. f) I'd do something else. (Please specify) --------------- Real Life Vampire So, I was at the Hazimel Storyline tournement held in my area standing around, silently cheering my sister-in-law on as she played in the game's second round. Then, from one table over, some yammering comes. From what I could discern, someone had influenced out Beast, but wasn't attacking with him. "Why don't you rush him?" I didn't hear the reply, but it was most likely un-Beast-like. Then, a shout: "Beast - The Chicken of Detroit!" --------------- You know, I was thinking that with so many people playing V:TES, there's bound to be funny stories out there. Send them to the Malkavian Newsletter to share with people for years to come. (email your funny stories to: Timmy@e-garfield.com) ______________________________ 5. To Be Continued ______________________________ That's all for this Malkazine, thanks for dropping by. Now accepting: Malkavian Deck Submissions Acticles on V:TES Stuff V:TES anecdotes Opinions and Letters -t!MmY, the mad inker. (Timmy@e-garfield.com). --------------- This newsletter and all contents - except where noted otherwise - copyright Timmy, 2003. You may reproduce this newsletter in any way you feel like with or without my written permission as long as it is kept intact and whole in its entirety. That's all I have to say, you can stop reading now. Because, if you don't, you're just wasting precious time that you could be using for other things like poking Gangrel with sticks.